Imagine If You Will

In life there are tough choices. Who to marry? What career to choose? White or wheat bread? All choices come with consequences and responsibilities. The more choices made, the more responsibility is borne. That's why it is important to remain aloof whenever possible. Stay out of the mix and you'll never have to worry about heavy responsibility being placed upon your shoulders. Of course a person with no responsibilities will never know the satisfaction of a job well done, but that's the price of a fail proof life. Besides, satisfaction only builds confidence to accept more responsibility. It's like a death spiral! It's better to keep to the sidelines and avoid direct involvement.

There is nothing cowardly in ducking responsibility. In fact it has a certain sense of nobility. It shows that you don't require the respect and admiration of anyone to keep you going. Zero responsibility is the true sign of the maverick and a beacon of hope to failures everywhere. There could be nothing more refreshing than to wake up in the morning utterly alone and with nobody depending on you to do anything.

The funny thing is that we are the only creatures in the world who have this unique ability to shrug off responsibility. Plants, animals and insects all follow pre-programmed behaviors, or instincts. They do their jobs without a second thought because they have no concept of any other way of life. Animal parents will care for their young simply because they don't know any different and they will continue to bear young without regard for what socio-economic impact their offspring will have on the greater animal kingdom. They simply take on the task of rearing a posterity limited only by the short lifespan allotted to them. Oh if only we could liberate these poor helpless creatures with the imagination to conceive of a different course of action. Instinctive behavior would no longer burden their lives, rather they would have the choice of doing as they please. They could organize themselves, as people have done, into groups aimed at eliminating responsibility from their lives. They could lobby their governing bodies to eliminate any overt social pressures to comply with the norm, which everyone knows may bring on punishing self loathing and pangs of guilt.

What great joy would come when nothing in the world followed it's prescribed course but instead followed the fancy that came with every fleeting moment. As one ponders the wondrous consequences that would come from such a state of affairs, it becomes apparent that there may be some animals which have already reached this enlightenment. Could it be that our endangered species, as we call them, are simply tired of the same old way of life. Maybe they just don't want the burden of small children or the grief of teenagers. Salmon runs aren't really going extinct, they're just too busy partying to worry about spawning.

So give a fish brother a break and just let it go man! Free yourself of heavy burdens and shirk the ever present list of endless responsibilities. Besides, at the end of it all both the underachiever and the task driven man are dead alike and they both return to the same stuff. We can't all be the President of the United States but we can all laugh in the face of boring societal expectations. Que será, será, unless there is something after this life. In which case you didn't hear any of this from me because I was busy serving soup at the homeless shelter and providing ample care to those for whom I have happily taken full responsibility.

It's My Life

A few years ago, in a Calculus class, I had a thought. Having had only a few thoughts since then I’ve hung on to it as one would hold on to a picture of a loved one long since passed away. At that time my class was learning about partial derivatives. A partial derivative is a process which isolates a specific variable out of an equation in order to evaluate that variable’s relative influence on the overall equation. It’s somewhat similar to eliminating one ingredient from a recipe. That ingredient will have some influence, whether great or small, on the final product and by removing it you may be able to determine what that influence is.

Now as I sat pondering this concept it occurred to me that my life is something like an equation with an infinite number of variables. Infinite for now, but ultimately I will also go the way of all the earth, assuming that my body follows natural laws, and then my variables will end. So here’s my theory, if I could only define all of the variables in my life then I could, with reasonable accuracy, isolate each variable and determine my future. Right? Well not exactly, because you see I interact with other people upon occasion and they also have an impact on my equation, I mean my life, and they also have a nearly infinite number of variables in their own equations. So I thought to myself, if I could only define every existing variable in the universe then I could somewhat accurately predict the future. (At this point it should be fairly obvious why I tend to have thoughts only on the rarest of occasions. It’s really better off for everyone that I should remain in a somewhat incognizant state.)

Keeping my theory in mind, as I’ve learned about natural laws I’ve happily found that our physical universe behaves quite well, following predictable patterns that can conveniently be described by equations. That’s how we put rocket ships into space and make satellites orbit the earth. Equations are also used to create medicines that can treat everything from insomnia to diarrhea. It’s funny how those two afflictions often coincide.

This must be omniscience, I reasoned to myself, to be able to clearly define all the variables and put them into an orderly equation. I’ll call it the life equation, although in some scientific circles I believe this idea is called the theory of everything. Naturally I won’t call it that because I’m not allowed anywhere near any scientific circles. Of course the life equation is nothing that any mere mortal could ever discover because obviously our own variables are infinite until we die and hence we could never accurately define them all. Besides, after death the rules are different and I’m pretty sure salt won’t be bad for me anymore so that changes everything.

The only problem with this concept is that it implies a certain predestined future based on the life equation. To me, the idea of predestination is inherently evil as it takes away the only thing that I can have ultimate control of in this world, that being my will. I can have influence on many things, but my will is my own, unless I give it up, and I will not easily give up my only true possession in this world. Admittedly, at times, it may seem desirable to give up my will for a predictable future, especially if that future appears to be closely in line with my own aspirations. Yet I’ve noticed that my aspirations change as I gain experience and I learn to distinguish what the truly significant things are from those things which are only shiny mirages. I shudder at the thought of reaching the end of this life at a predetermined point, regardless of my own independent actions, because I am simply the product of predictable surroundings.

However, I recently heard an address from a physicist regarding the very ideas I have just described. I take special note when smart people talk about the things that I think about because it gives me hope that I’m not completely off my rocker. This physicist described the idea of uncertainty and how it plays into the life equation, as I call it. I’ve heard of uncertainty before and as I understand it it means that you can never accurately measure all aspects of really small, fast moving objects such as electrons or children. For example if you stop an electron you can measure its position but not its speed and when it is moving you may be able to determine its speed but not its position.

Now this physicist went on to describe that while the movements of big things like orbiting planets or hurled pumpkins are highly predictable, little things like the tiny neurons discharging in our brains that produce thoughts are somewhat unpredictable and therefore difficult to predetermine. So my thoughts may be random but the actions and reactions resulting from those thoughts are predictable.

I don't strictly have to behave reactively to outside stimuli. Even though my thoughts are as random as they come, I still have the choice about acting on those thoughts. I don't, however, have a choice in what the consequences will be for those choices. I can choose whether or not to jump off a cliff but I cannot choose whether to accelerate towards the earth if the decision is to jump.

The bottom line is that the future is not set in stone and my will remains my own. Math and physics say so. It’s exhilarating to think that I am an independent being and my choices determine my own destiny. I feel like I’ve reached a milestone in my life’s journey, sort of like I was destined to come to this understanding. It must be déjà vu.

Slim Chants

So what is it with chanting? Why do some people feel invigorated by repeating the same phrase over and over again using their outside voices? I’ve thought deeply about this because whenever I hear a chant my skin seems to turn inside out and I want to curl up in a ball far away in a happy, silent, place. What would bring on this reaction? Is there a medication for it? Should I write my congressman to lobby for anti-chanting legislation? No, I can’t make it political because how do you demonstrate against chanting without, well, chanting? (So far I’ve asked five questions and made only one statement. Does that sound like someone who is well? AAHH, there I go again with the questions.)

So, here is my theory about chanting. It boils down to resonance. Here’s a quick physics lesson, no charge. Resonance is the science of waves moving up and down at an optimal rate where the maximum output can be produced with a minimal input. It has to do with momentum. Am I digging myself deeper? Hmm, let’s try this. I’m sure everyone has sat in a bathtub and sloshed the water back and forth at a regular rhythm. If you get it sloshing just right then pretty soon you can get water splashing all over the bathroom with just a small movement back and forth. Please tell me I’m not the only person who has ever done this. Anyway, the bathtub super sloshing is an example of resonance. Another example is a pogo stick. Personally I’ve never bounced on a pogo stick, that’s right never, I guess I was too busy sloshing in the tub, but I’ve seen it done at least a couple of times. When you start out on a pogo stick it takes a great deal of effort to get it bouncing but once you can use your downward momentum to help with your next bounce then you can keep it bouncing with a relatively little effort. If you still don’t follow me then . . . well . . . read the paragraph again.

Okay so, now that we all understand resonance in detail let me explain what it has to do with . . . uhm . . . what were we talking about again? Oh yea, chanting. When a chant is initiated it is usually in an effort to maximize a vocal affect by coordinating the combined efforts of a group of people. If a group of protesters want to make a point, they start a chant. When a crowd wants to pass on enthusiasm to team members at a sporting event, they start a chant. When my kids want anything, they start a chant. I’m sure the connection between resonance and chanting is becoming crystal clear, however I’m really hoping to drive the point home now.

As the chant is initiated (neck hairs bristling just thinking about it) it usually starts out small and the initiators have to apply a significant effort to get it going. Once others join in, then the energy of the chant can be increased substantially with only a relatively small effort from each individual. People often do this for the thrill of being a part of something energetic and powerful. Well it just so happens that’s the same reason I sloshed water in the bathtub! The problem with a chant is that people can get very excited in the moment and act irrationally, at the whim of whoever is leading the chanting. At least when I sloshed I only got the bathroom wet. When somebody starts a chant the next thing you know there is law being passed that will prohibit personal watercraft from the moon because they might upset the “man”. (I’ve always assumed that when the flower power gang spoke about “the man” that they were referring to the man in the moon. It seems logical to me and I’m sure there were many of that generation who were personally acquainted with the man in the moon and visited with him upon occasion.)

Based on my chanting – resonance theory it would appear that physics and psychology have more in common than simply using the letter ‘y’ as a vowel instead of a consonant, so maybe the same solutions will apply to both. The way resonance is overcome in physics is to absorb some of the energy at a key moment. For example, the pogo stick is stopped by absorbing the bounce with your knees and the super slosh is stopped by showering instead of bathing. Maybe if I chant out of sequence and at a much louder volume than everybody else I can bring it to a stop. Suddenly I don’t feel so powerless against the most obnoxious social activity known to man. So I must learn to fight fire with fire but for those of you who enjoy getting your juices flowing with a good chant, might I suggest a pogo stick.