It's My Life

A few years ago, in a Calculus class, I had a thought. Having had only a few thoughts since then I’ve hung on to it as one would hold on to a picture of a loved one long since passed away. At that time my class was learning about partial derivatives. A partial derivative is a process which isolates a specific variable out of an equation in order to evaluate that variable’s relative influence on the overall equation. It’s somewhat similar to eliminating one ingredient from a recipe. That ingredient will have some influence, whether great or small, on the final product and by removing it you may be able to determine what that influence is.

Now as I sat pondering this concept it occurred to me that my life is something like an equation with an infinite number of variables. Infinite for now, but ultimately I will also go the way of all the earth, assuming that my body follows natural laws, and then my variables will end. So here’s my theory, if I could only define all of the variables in my life then I could, with reasonable accuracy, isolate each variable and determine my future. Right? Well not exactly, because you see I interact with other people upon occasion and they also have an impact on my equation, I mean my life, and they also have a nearly infinite number of variables in their own equations. So I thought to myself, if I could only define every existing variable in the universe then I could somewhat accurately predict the future. (At this point it should be fairly obvious why I tend to have thoughts only on the rarest of occasions. It’s really better off for everyone that I should remain in a somewhat incognizant state.)

Keeping my theory in mind, as I’ve learned about natural laws I’ve happily found that our physical universe behaves quite well, following predictable patterns that can conveniently be described by equations. That’s how we put rocket ships into space and make satellites orbit the earth. Equations are also used to create medicines that can treat everything from insomnia to diarrhea. It’s funny how those two afflictions often coincide.

This must be omniscience, I reasoned to myself, to be able to clearly define all the variables and put them into an orderly equation. I’ll call it the life equation, although in some scientific circles I believe this idea is called the theory of everything. Naturally I won’t call it that because I’m not allowed anywhere near any scientific circles. Of course the life equation is nothing that any mere mortal could ever discover because obviously our own variables are infinite until we die and hence we could never accurately define them all. Besides, after death the rules are different and I’m pretty sure salt won’t be bad for me anymore so that changes everything.

The only problem with this concept is that it implies a certain predestined future based on the life equation. To me, the idea of predestination is inherently evil as it takes away the only thing that I can have ultimate control of in this world, that being my will. I can have influence on many things, but my will is my own, unless I give it up, and I will not easily give up my only true possession in this world. Admittedly, at times, it may seem desirable to give up my will for a predictable future, especially if that future appears to be closely in line with my own aspirations. Yet I’ve noticed that my aspirations change as I gain experience and I learn to distinguish what the truly significant things are from those things which are only shiny mirages. I shudder at the thought of reaching the end of this life at a predetermined point, regardless of my own independent actions, because I am simply the product of predictable surroundings.

However, I recently heard an address from a physicist regarding the very ideas I have just described. I take special note when smart people talk about the things that I think about because it gives me hope that I’m not completely off my rocker. This physicist described the idea of uncertainty and how it plays into the life equation, as I call it. I’ve heard of uncertainty before and as I understand it it means that you can never accurately measure all aspects of really small, fast moving objects such as electrons or children. For example if you stop an electron you can measure its position but not its speed and when it is moving you may be able to determine its speed but not its position.

Now this physicist went on to describe that while the movements of big things like orbiting planets or hurled pumpkins are highly predictable, little things like the tiny neurons discharging in our brains that produce thoughts are somewhat unpredictable and therefore difficult to predetermine. So my thoughts may be random but the actions and reactions resulting from those thoughts are predictable.

I don't strictly have to behave reactively to outside stimuli. Even though my thoughts are as random as they come, I still have the choice about acting on those thoughts. I don't, however, have a choice in what the consequences will be for those choices. I can choose whether or not to jump off a cliff but I cannot choose whether to accelerate towards the earth if the decision is to jump.

The bottom line is that the future is not set in stone and my will remains my own. Math and physics say so. It’s exhilarating to think that I am an independent being and my choices determine my own destiny. I feel like I’ve reached a milestone in my life’s journey, sort of like I was destined to come to this understanding. It must be déjà vu.