It Does a Body Good

Why is milk so good? It seems funny to me that my beverage of choice would come from the underside of a cow. I've been in a milking barn before and it's no citrus orchard, but still there is nothing I like better then a tall, cold glass of milk. I fancy myself as having somewhat of a refined taste for it. Much like the wine connoisseur, I have trained my palate to detect even the slightest differences in flavor, texture and breed. In fact being a connoisseur of milk is vastly more difficult than wine. For example, with wine you have many different years worth of product with which to compare. It's like having training wheels for your taste buds. You may be able to sample a Chardonnay from any of the past 50 years, but I defy you to find a nice '87 Holstein 2%. And if you do find such a thing I would pay good money to watch you "drink" it. No, with milk you've got maybe 3 weeks at best. Unless it's Skim milk, in which case you might push it out to a month and a half.

Having a refined milk taste, I have been able to distinguish the perfect milk to go along with any meal. Steak and potatoes, for instance, goes nicely with a Jersey 1%, while waffles are more enjoyable with a fuller bodied Holstein 2%. Mexican food is best served with a Guernsey 2% which has the added benefit of taking the edge off the spicy peppers. And for hot cocoa nothing beats a Brown Swiss Vitamin D because chocolate milk comes from brown cows as any child, and more adults than you can imagine, will tell you.

However, the proper milk for dunking cookies doesn't have as much to do with breed or percent milkfat as it does with temperature and quantity control. Temperature and quantity control are key to a good cookie dunking experience. The milk must be ice cold to start with and proper dunk control should be exercised in order to prevent the removal of excess milk with each dunk. Except, of course, for the obligatory drip on the chin with each bite, which I always think of as a sacrifice to the napkin gods. That's as pagan as I get.

Now, depending upon the ambient temperature of the room, the dunking should continue apace so that the milk temperature approaches the cookie temperature. Once the cookie-to-milk temperature differential ranges between 10° to 15°F (6° to 9°C) then is the ideal time to "wash down" the previously consumed cookies. Just be sure that enough milk is left in the glass to adequately satisfy the purpose, because adding more milk will surely leave you disappointed. Added milk has neither the correct cookie crumb content nor the proper temperature and therefore could destroy the entire snack experience.

As an aside, cookie selection is also of extreme importance in dunking. Many people like to use crispy cookies, however, crispy cookies, after being submerged in milk, tend to dissolve into almost a foamy texture. I prefer chewy cookies which get more of a nougaty texture after dunking. Either one, though, can be a delightsome counterpart to a glass of milk.

I have tried the so called "milk substitutes" and I ask; can you really substitute milk? Maybe you can make soybean juice look, feel and even taste like milk. Likewise, I can keep you alive indefinitely by knocking you unconscious and hooking you up to a machine. Is that a satisfactory substitute? I think not! White soybean juice can never replace the Real© thing. Sorry to all of you who are allergic or lactose intolerant. That's just the way it is. Besides, I won't tolerate intolerance, it simply isn't right.

My wife laughs at me because I choose my snacks based on how well they will go with a glass of milk. I can't help it, I have priorities. Besides who is she to criticize my snacking when she can't stand to eat cooked eggs but loves to eat cookie dough mere moments after mixing in slimy raw eggs. Speaking of cookie dough, I wonder if she would bake some right now? I'd better make sure we have milk first. Happy dunking!