What's that? ... Speak up!

The other day I was talking to myself and we finally figured out why I have such a difficult time alternating between speaking and writing.  Unfortunately I was talking my way through the question and therefore can't write a word about it.

I seem to have a disconnect between my thoughts and my mouth.  Even when the words do come out right I don't put the proper inflection in my voice to convey my feelings.  A few weeks ago I was "teaching" a class of eight year olds at church.  My wife usually teaches them but she wasn't feeling well that Sunday so she stayed home.  We never figured out what was wrong with her but it must have been terrible because she had fever of 115 degrees and she was so pale that it looked like she had just rubbed baby powder all over her face.  No kidding!  Just like baby powder.  Fortunately she was feeling better soon after I left and had no more problems for the rest of the day.

So I'm sitting in this class thinking I've got things under control.  The kids are sitting relatively quietly and I'm humming through the lesson, methodically hitting all the points of doctrine that were suggested in the lesson plan.

Finally one boy raises his hand, and as I prepare to answer his question I'm thinking, how good it feels to plant the seeds of thought in the minds of these children.  So the kid looks at me and says, "you need to speak with more enthusiasm, you're too boring."  He then proceeded to demonstrate how to speak enthusiastically by dancing around the room, snapping his fingers over his head, and repeating the last few words I had just said.

At the same time three other kids, who I thought were quietly listening to the lesson, suddenly snorted in unison as they awoke from a semi-hypnotic stupor.  Which, by the way, I would dearly love to learn how to do on purpose.

So I asked my vociferous young friend if he would like to help with the rest of the lesson.  He agreed and for the rest of the time I would say a few words and then he would translate them into a semi-accurate, but much more exciting version of what I had just said.  I'm sure some odd questions were asked over the dinner table that evening.  Even I had to take a few minutes to ponder what had been said.

I remember taking a class in college where we had to read a statement and then we were tutored on  how to make it sound more interesting.  I know some people are tone-deaf when it comes to music but I think I am emphasis-deaf when it comes to speaking.  I would read the words and then the tutor would say them in a way that apparently sounded more interesting.  To me it could have been a recording of how I had just said it.  I couldn't hear any difference.

I don't even speak in monotone, it's more like void-of-tone.  Maybe that's why it is easier for me to write my feelings.  I can write the words down and then it's up to the reader to apply the proper tone.  (Does anybody else smell coconut?)  So if you are reading this and you like the way it sounds, then pat yourself on the back, you are an exciting reader.  However, if you are, at this moment, thinking of old gym shorts that you would rather be smelling than reading any further, then I know of a talented eight year old who just might be able to help you out.