Not With a Bang, but a Whimper

I understand that the year 2012 is going to be the end of the world.  We know this because that's when the Mayan calendar ends.  If I'm not mistaken, our own calendar ends on December 31, this year!  Not to stir up a panic but shouldn't somebody be looking into this, or at least trying to sell the movie rights?

Come to think of it, though, our calendar ended on December 31 last year too and the world didn't end, we just got Change.  Maybe that's all 2012 will bring as well.  Boy, wouldn't that be a relief!

Just for arguments sake, let's say that 2012 doesn't simply bring change, but indeed the end of the world.  I think we can all agree that the end of the world could be devastating to earths fragile ecosystem.  I'm no expert in biodiversity, few actually are, but I would venture to guess that all life coming to an abrupt end is not in our best interest.

Sure, some may argue that the end of the world is just another cycle in the eons of time.  I hear the same thing about global warming too.  They say it's just weather cycles and that humans couldn't be causing global climate change.  Hogwash!  I go outside everyday and I've felt the warming.  Particularly between the hours of 6 AM to 5 PM.  It's scary!  I've started wearing a coat around to insulate me from the effects of the changing climate because the anxiety is messing with my mind to the point that it actually feels colder!

Coincidentally, the solution to preventing the end of the world is similar to stopping global climate change.  It's the "fight fire with fire" approach.  Before the world ends we must do everything we can to destroy the human race.  If there are no humans, then there will be nobody to document the ending of the world and, therefore, it won't happen.  Likewise, if there are no humans then nobody will be bothered by the rising oceans and sub-tropical weather in the Tundra. 

Now I know this approach won't be popular, but most conservation groups agree that this is the elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge.  Regardless, it comes to this, we must either destroy our lives or face inevitable destruction.  I know it sounds morbid, but studies show (I just conducted two scientific surveys of everyone sitting in my chair and the results were unanimous) that there is far more satisfaction in destroying our own quality of life than in taking the chance of something else destroying it for us.

However, there has recently been some promising news from the moon.  Apparently the surface of the moon is able to absorb incredible amounts of energy without even so much as a poof of smoke.  It was widely documented recently on television when millions watched in anticipation and delight as we slammed a missile into the moon at twice the speed of Superman.  The stunned faces and inaudible cheers told the story that the fruit of countless man hours and millions of dollars was ... nothing!  Miraculous!

So, before the world ends, my suggestion is that we all go to the moon, because nothing happens there and that is exactly the kind of life we all want.  Obviously I am anxious to stake my property in the best crater, however, there are many who have been working tirelessly to forewarn us about the disastrous effects of our past prosperity.  I should be a gentleman.  Therefore, to all those who's hearts have bled over dwindling  polar ice caps, please be my guest and take the first available renewable energy powered vessel to the moon!