Of Time and Space

Waiting... Waiting... I'm just not made for waiting. I'm part of the generation that doesn't have to wait. We have everything at our fingertips. Waiting is for museums. They like to wait. Moments frozen in time, waiting until this world comes around full circle and the past once again becomes the present.

It seems funny that we are so fascinated with the past while at the same time we can't wait for the future to come. What is it about the present that we don't like? Why can't we sit still in the moment and enjoy what is happening right now? I don't think we do it on purpose. Keeping your focus on the present is sort of like trying to balance on top of a log in the water. You might be able to do it for a short time but as it begins to roll you will eventually fall into the water. Just as gravity pulls you from the log, so too will anxiety drag you from the present into the hopeful anticipation of the future or the known outcome of the past.

At times I'll be in a place and I'll think to myself "this instant, that is so real to me right now, will soon just be a memory in the past." I can remember this thought coming to me on several occasions. It usually happens to me at times that are special like going to Disneyland. In fact it was on the Winnie the Pooh ride at Disneyland coming around the last corner before you leave the tunnel, but that's not important.

It also happened to me on a recent trip to Idaho to visit family. As I was pulling away to leave, I sat for a moment in my parents driveway and really drank in my surroundings. The scenes that had been part of my every day life growing up were all there in front of me, reminders of times and places that are now a thousand miles away and many years in the past. How is it that all I wanted when I was younger was to get to the future and now that I'm in the future I would give almost anything to get back to the past. Being in the present has never been part of the plan and frankly it still isn't. Of course there is nothing I would change about my life right now, I would just like to transfer it either backward or forward in time.

Living in the present is tough. Imagine you're driving down a road that is lined with trees. If you keep your eyes fixed on one spot then all the trees go by in a blur and it's hard to distinguish between them. Whereas, if you turn your head to follow each tree then you get more detail but, if you're like me, you also get sick to your stomach. Living in the present is kind of like watching the trees. If you live life with undeviating focus then you might miss some important detail in the flurry of situations constantly coming towards you. However if you try to focus on each situation as it comes then the gastric juices of your psyche may begin to gurgle with the distress of ever changing circumstances. Isn't that a pleasant picture?

Come to think of it, it may be impossible to actually live in the present. By the time you process the information around you it is already in the past and you are already anticipating the next moment in the future. So does the present even exist? Maybe its like the beginning of a circle. It can be where ever you want it to be. Oooh I smell the makings of a sci-fi novel. Nah, it's probably already been done.

Well this has been fun and all, but I'm not sure what we've accomplished nor am I positive where this is going. I guess if this discussion has no past and no future then maybe it does have a present. Oh my, I've found the present! Aw dang, there it went.